Monday, October 16, 2006


i've recently discovered that i'm scared of believing God. don't get me wrong -- not believing IN God, just believing Him.

let me back up. i started a small group Bible study a few weeks ago. it's by Beth Moore and is entitled, surprisingly enough, Believing God. in essence, it's really about faith, and i'm learning a lot. that opening statement is just the beginning.

i believe in Him alright... i know He exists, and trust Him for salvation... but i don't think that truth always carries out into my life; i don't always live as if it i believed it. as Beth says, my theology doesn't always meet with my reality.

a few big things are going on in my life right now. in theory, i've been praying about them for a while. in reality, they've sloshed around my muggy prayer life from time to time as i've thought about praying for them, but haven't carried it out. yes, i know God can read my thoughts, but there's still something to be said, i believe, for officially laying them before His throne in humble adoration. i begin to digress.

the issue at hand is why i haven't been praying for these things. i've come to the realization that i'm fearful. fearful that, if i give them over to Him, He'll say "no," and i'll have a reason to be mad/angry/bitter. i'm afraid that if i ask Him to do something, then i'll expect Him to "come through" because of my extremely amazing faith or something. if i don't actually pray about them, then it's not His "fault" if things don't go my way, and i can only blame myself for the mess. i think this stems from 2 issues: 1) a lack of faith that He is capable of doing these things (i.e. performing miracles), and 2) a lack of trust that He will do what's best for me, even if it's not what i ask.

long story made slightly not-as-long, i've committed to truly praying daily for a few things:
1) that the way would be made clear for Isaac to live in the States come January,
2) for his brother, Pablo, who is in the military in Spain and is being sent to Afganistan on Oct 25th for at least 2 months,
3) for my mom's good friend, my "Aunt" Cindy, whose breast cancer from 10 years ago has returned and is now vigorously attacking her bones (and possibly her brain, we found out tonight), and
4) for the ability and wisdom to write my term papers well and in a timely manner.

overall, i'm praying for God to be BIG. according to Psalm 77:14, He is "the God who works wonders (or performs miracles, depending on the version)." i'm praying to see them. i'm also crying out, as a father did many years ago "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24).

if the Lord tugs on your heart to join me in prayer for these things, or for my own unbelief, i'd greatly appreciate it. and whether or not that's the case, thanks for tracking with me.

may my life continue to echo "Soli Deo Gloria..."

Saturday, October 14, 2006

today is a big day

how many posts have i put up today? and one yesterday too! wow. y'all should feel special.

just wanted to let you know that i got back from the theater just now. saw "Shear Madness" at the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center. it's a murder mystery where the audience gets involved. tons of fun. and the $15 student ticket was pretty cool too. i think i'll just be a student forever -- that's $10 off the regular price! if you live in Charlotte i recommend it. it'll be there until the end of the year, and it shows nearly every day of the week.

it was also fun to see LA. it's not every day that one gets to hang out with friends that they studied abroad with!

now i'm gonna try to work a bit more on my paper before hitting the haysack... haha. good thing i don't have allergies.

Soli Deo Gloria...

why new posts are suddenly appearing

quick note... i decided to "convert" my old blog into this new one, so i am (slowly but surely) moving over my old posts so that nothing is lost.

that's it! enjoy some "historical" reading, if it suits you.

oh, p.s. now that i'm in the blogger beta, things are much cooler but i can't use my fun new widget anymore! bummer. i'm sure they'll update it soon enough though.

Friday, October 13, 2006

trying out my new widget

apparently, i can post to my blogs now without even leaving the comfort of my own dashboard. and i most certainly do like my dashboard, so this should be nice. for those of you who are not familiar with macs, a dashboard is a really cool function. you add widgets to the dashboard, and the do all kinds of neat things. i have one, for example, that's a world clock -- i have it set to Madrid time. another one can convert currency, measurements, etc. i have a calculator, a thesaurus, the Spanish dictionary, my new Gmail messages, and a countdown to when my baby comes to visit me for Thanksgiving (currently it sits at 34 days!).

so anyway, it's been one of those lazy days. i did actually get some work done, and will have to do some more before going to bed (the joys of getting a Master's, i guess). my parents are out of town, so i made dinner for my sis and i, and i'm getting ready to try to make some Spanish potato salad so we can eat it tomorrow (tastes better if it's been sitting overnight in the fridge).

random... (my Gmail inbox widget just popped up with a new email from Mastercard saying that my payment is due soon) has anyone seen the new Mastercard commercial? with an international couple... it goes something like "engagement ring - $9,000. plane ticket from Japan - $15,000." and then it goes into this impossible-to-reproduce introduction of Japanese and American family members... it feels particularly like my life (although, minus the whole engagement ring part so far) and really makes me laugh. i tried to find it on YouTube this morning, but couldn't. otherwise i'd share the link.

ok... off to peel potatoes. g'night!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Ready to start another week

It's interesting to consider the cyclical pattern that is our life. Each week starts and ends, and oftentimes I find myself subconciously viewing each week as a "mini-life" and forgetting that they are all a part of a grander plan. "If I can just make it through this week," I think to myself, "then everything will be just fine." But that's so bogus. There is nothing that intrinsically separates Sunday from Monday, Monday from Tuesday, the weekend from the week, and on down the line. The mistakes I make today may very possibly have effects far into next week. On the flip side, the things I do right this week are very likely to carry forth into the weeks to come as well.

This applies to our spiritual life as well, without a doubt. When I trust God for His provision, I'm going to see the ripple effect of that beyond flipping the calendar. And I'm not only talking about "big" things... any minute detail of my life can (and ought to be) entrusted to God's care. When I begin to truly lean on Him and not only believe IN Him, but also BELIEVE Him, perhaps He'll show me how to step back and see the trees for the forest they are a part of. And maybe, just maybe, He'll allow me a small peak into how my forest is a small corner of His world.