My sweet Ethan is nearing 9 months old already - and I can hardly believe it! He's a happy little guy and loves to smile and laugh. His list of solids/purees that he eats is growing, and so far there's nothing that he won't eat. I gave him a few Cheerios last week - what a hoot! The looks on his face as he "chews" them, and the cute little effort to get them in his mouth on his own. It never occurred to me while babysitting that eating Cheerios was a lesson in fine motor skills!
Since about 6 months old, he's consistently slept 7pm-7:30am without a fuss. He had a stomach bug 2 weeks ago (my, was that terrible) and even slept great through that. And then last week, he suddenly decided he didn't want to sleep at bedtime. Some nights have been better than others, but it's been rough. I didn't realize how much I'd come to appreciate that time from 7-10/11 when I was awake but he was sleeping! Teething is perhaps the culprit? Or time to drop a nap? Who knows...
Anyway - none of that was in the original mental draft of this post. What I really wanted to talk about was more "separation-anxiety" related. Ethan doesn't really have much - most of the time he's happy to be with anyone, especially if they're holding him - and I'm thankful for that. It's nice to have a break sometimes and for others to be able to enjoy him as well - and certainly makes going to work and leaving him in nursery a lot easier. But he DEFINITELY recognizes his Papá and Mamá. I can't tell you how many times I've seen him contentedly across the room, and when his eyes land on me, his face just lights up. And if Papá walks in the room, he reaches out for him and smiles. What joy it brings to my heart to see that sweet face and know that it's smiling because of me. To know that he loves and trusts me.
And then the other day, it hit me. That must be what God feels when we rejoice in His presence. But more importantly, when I see His face, do I look like Ethan does when he sees me? When I hear His voice as I read Scripture, do I burst out in smiles? When I see His handiwork in Creation or see evidence of His sovereign hand in my life, do I giggle and reach towards Him? I'm not sure that I always do. And I'm even more certain that I don't have much separation anxiety. I don't cry as soon as I feel myself moving away from him, and I'm not generally "fussy" and yearning for His presence when I fail to spend time with Him. And if that's not shameful enough, my promised future in His unadulterated and eternal presence in Heaven rarely even enters my mind. Why, oh why? Lord, PLEASE, give me that anxiety to sit at your feet, and that joy that lights up my face when I see your glory - as well as the anxiousness for an even purer taste of You!
Wanting to have separation anxiety... Soli Deo Gloria.
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